A friend of mine felt like a punching bag because her husband kept telling her about how things had not worked the way he expected. It was both draining and annoying for her.
I suggested that next time she try empathic listening or listening from the heart. It might meet the needs of her husband.
Empathic listening means listening with our complete attention and compassion – no inner chatter of judgements or opinions, no interruptions, no trivialising, no sharing of our own story, no advice or guidance, no “fixing” … no admonishing or asking them to “get it together.” It involves holding silence, consensual touches of comfort and support, and giving the person a safe place to share. And respecting their boundaries and wishes.
We just need to be there for the other to open her heart without fear. Once the person feels heard and seen, their issue acknowledged, they are in most cases well able to find their own way through the matter.
Try it.
You may think that what you have to share can be helpful to the speaker. Perhaps. But that can be shared after they have completely unloaded their heart. And only with their agreement.
Silence can be more powerful that the most well-intentioned words.