Me: “You’re sad that your son doesn’t talk to you as he did before his marriage.”
Client: “Yes. But I keep busy with work and don’t think about it.”
Me: “What makes you do that?”
Client: “Well, I don’t want the sadness to grow and keep reminding me of good and bad times of the past. And anyway, I should be able to accept this as part of life.”
Me: “It’s a phase of life, yes. But does acceptance mean you should deny your sadness?”
Client: “Yes, that’s how we move forward. Isn’t it?”
Yes, that is how many of us deal with unpleasant emotions. We don’t hide happiness. But we feel the need to hide sorrow. And we believe denial is helping us move forward.
The labelling of emotions leads to the denial of what we are experiencing. Denial leads to suppression, and that’s how emotional pain and damage build up, in the mind and body.
To become emotionally mature, we must grow to embrace all emotions with equanimity. All emotions are energy. And like all things in nature, emotions are impermanent, transitory.
Acceptance is not to reject an unpleasant emotion but to fully feel it, recognise the need behind it, honour that need, accept it, and then … the pain lets go of you.