I am told I was a cherubic child, always smiling, getting along with everyone. That would be hard to believe if you’d known me in my earlier years. 🙂 I was/am the product of a volatile family, with not the best temperament myself. I was in fact an emotional rollercoaster, outwardly confident, inwardly messed up.
However, when I rewind to my childhood, I remember peaks of bliss among valleys of high drama. I didn’t have a bad life by any means but many of the happy moments seem linked to my sojourns in the huge gardens we were blessed with (as the family of an army officer), being eye-level with the grass and the ladybugs, lying on a huge rock looking up at the sky – it’s vast expanse making me feel one with the universe. These blissful memories are so bright that a few dark memories recede into shadows.
Despite my emotional temperament through my young adult years, I remember a strong connection with God, as I understood Him, not the God I was told to fear but a God that in my heart was a sanctuary who always carried me through the worst of times.
And then came college and employment in the IT industry where I lost that connection for some time. Yet, as I ventured into an inter-religion marriage, I fell back on prayer through the whole process of gauging my own priorities, winning over resistant families and later, finding balance and direction in the new role of wife and daughter-in-law in an unfamiliar culture.
Up to this point, I had no fear of ill health. But in my late 20s, I suffered from severe pain in my knees. It was so bad I couldn’t get off the ground without support. I took the usual route – a visit to the doctor and medicines. The doctor informed me that the cartilage in my knee was depleting and it was normal for some degradation to begin at this age. I was 29 or so at the time!
I come from a family of doctors so consumption of medicines was very common. I was a non-vegetarian, in good health in my view though I was very susceptible to cold and cough, had average energy, could never do physically demanding things like sports or dance but took long walks and loved them. I had stomach ailments fairly often but all hail to allopathic medicines, even though they made me feel like !@#$. I didn’t think or know that there were any other “as reliable or better” options.
The birth of my son was a decisive point in my life when I left my job to dive into motherhood. I took the plunge voluntarily but kept feeling pushed and pulled between personal and professional aspirations. As my child got older, I found my footing as I started freelancing as a content writer.
This was perhaps the best decision I took in my life. It was hard at many levels and not very high-paying, especially at the start, but it sowed the seeds of self-discipline and initiative I lacked before. Time flew, as time often does.
My son grew older and his health too was also average. I didn’t want him to take allopathic medicines too much so started my exploration of homoeopathy and acupressure treatment – both of which were very helpful in reducing medications.
This was also the time I began taking yoga classes with Saee, the start of another wonderful journey that helped me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I also started the WPower Synergy group with six women, working from home, and managing their work and families. That was the beginning of beautiful collaborations and life-long friendships.
Professionally, I was now a digital marketer working with multiple small businesses. I started my own brand called Content Knockout in 2014. Work was good. Life was good.
Then came a particularly emotionally and mentally straining period of life that lasted many years. In some ways, I was devastated. That was the time I went through a painful and searing analysis of my life, priorities, principles, and beliefs. My physical health also suffered. I developed strange asymptomatic hypothyroidism that has refused to leave me still. My knees got worse too.
This was the start of my inner transformation, and how grateful I am for this painful period in retrospect!
I learned from various gurus and found just what I needed at the time to make my life better. As providence would have it, this was also when I began my clean eating journey that had an immediate impact on my knees, freeing me of the pain in just a week. And that was just one of the many health improvements I experienced from changing my dietary habits.
Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual transformations have complemented each other through the years. I feel complete and happy in myself. I’ve also come to accept that the yearning to grow will always be with me, which is part of life’s magic. For the last 2 years, I have been training in psychodrama as a coach and am a certified Psychodrama Coach Practitioner. Psychodrama has added a new dimension to my life by helping me overcome various emotional and mental barriers, and it is a joy to take this century-old psychotherapy to more people through my coaching practice.
When I look at myself today, I feel I have metamorphosed into a new person. There is boundless energy, love and joy that flows in – from my practices, prayer, volunteering, a community of noble friends, and mysterious sources of support that appear serendipitously. That’s not to say that I don’t have good and bad days but there is an underlying river of calmness that flows ceaselessly, that draws me back to a place of love and compassion, for myself and others.
Poshak Life seems like another gift from the Universe, pulling three friends together in curious harmony, and calling on us to share our experiences and expertise with the world.
Saee, Deepali and I are very different yet there is so much that binds us in unconditional love. With every event, we know each other better, and our mutual appreciation and respect grow.
Best of all, our work fills us with joy and energy. And our ideas are unending. 🙂 What more could one want in life?