Two instances in the last week brought the issue of “being with sadness” strongly into my psyche.
One friend who is leaving our city in 6 months is feeling the pain of the separation and the need to start afresh. The sadness is making her feel disconnected and disenchanted with life. She is puzzled by this condition and believes she should have the spiritual wisdom to come out of it quickly.
Another friend whose daughter has left for a new city for higher education sits with the sadness of emptiness. And feels guilty about wallowing in it because she fears she may not serve her second child as a fully present mother.
These stories made me think of our aversion to feelings that create unpleasant sensations. Sadness is uncomfortable and dreary. It creates constriction in the chest, heavy-headedness, and sluggishness in the body and mind. How can we not want to get out of this quickly?
But, spirituality invites us to accept “what is.” And the truth of the moment is that the sadness is present. It will not go away by simply wishing it away. Distracting ourselves with work will also only take our mind away from it for a while.
All our feelings ask for space, time, and attention. Can we hold all our feelings, pleasant and unpleasant, like a wise mother who knows that all feelings and thoughts are like the ripples on water? They come and go, they come and go. Nothing is permanent. But the mother doesn’t say that to the child. She only holds the child, rocking her, fondling her, giving comfort. And the child stays with the sadness in the safety of the mother’s embrace.
And as the child cries and allows all the sadness to be fully expressed, she begins to feel calmer. As she stirs from the soft slumber that follows strong emotion, she reconnects with the strength in her limbs and her natural buoyancy. She slips from her mother’s embrace to get back to play. The experience is now a soft memory, not only of sadness but also of love and acceptance.
Can we be like the mother and give ourselves permission to be sad? Allow full expression of the sadness as we hold ourselves with unconditional love and kindness? With Metta?
May we be well.
May we be peaceful and at ease.
May we be happy.
May we have the patience, courage and understanding to face whatever arises.
(Metta chant)