As parents, we instinctively protect our children. But does the protection always serve our children? Do “protected” children grow into secure and confident adults?
Or can parents themselves create the cage that stops their children from finding their own feet, learning from mistakes, developing skills and discovering their uniqueness and passions?
How do these early childhood patterns continue to show up in the lives of these children even in adulthood?
“My mother told me to stop dancing and get into banking. She did it because she wanted the best for me. I am so stressed with my job but she tells me that this is how life is. So I just go on.”
“I can’t sleep, I constantly feel guilty because I stay away from my parents. They spent all their life taking care of me. My mother keeps asking me to return but I love my job here. I feel guilty and ashamed about my choice.”
“I’m just angry at my mother all the time. I don’t know why and I feel so guilty about it. She’s old now and I feel ashamed for having these feelings.”
These are statements of a 32-year-old, 28-year-old, and a 48-year-old respectively. All of them lead successful lives. They are respected and admired in their social circles. But inside, they’re wounded. They are still seeking validation and acceptance from their parents. And this pain keeps reappearing in their relationships – with a spouse, children, friends, co-workers, and other places.
These children have strong attachment bonds with their parents because they’ve been loved and protected. Yet the bond makes them feel trapped because they act from a place of duty, obligation, and guilt. That’s not a progressive path.
Sometimes, to move ahead, we have to go back. It helps to understand the true nature of our bond with our parents. Then, it helps us move ahead as adults, choosing from a place of love and understanding rather than compulsion and regret.
That’s emotional growth and maturity. It’s the road to joy.
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