Oh the sweet, sweet “what could have been!” How it keeps us away from accepting what is, keeping us entangled in the dream and desire for things to be different!
If only I had reached on time …
If only I had listened …
If only I had chosen differently …
If only my health were better …
If only my marriage hadn’t broken …
So many stories of what could have been!
These stories offer such a comforting and enticing alternative to reality that they can pull us completely into the romance … making us blind to what we already have in the present and blocking our capacity to move forward with what we have.
Acceptance of “what is” isn’t easy when we are hurting and feeling lost and uncertain. Crossing this chasm requires work – work you can do yourself or with the guidance of a coach.
Staying in the world of what could have been offers relief but it isn’t real. It keeps us back when life is all about moving forward. The longer we stay there, the worse the regret, pain, and disconnection.
The present is the only reality. The present is the only opportunity we have to build a life we love. And yes, it is possible to move from the past, however painful it may have been, however beautiful it may have been.
Memories serve a purpose but they are of the past. If they start taking hold of how we craft the present moment, we need to take an honest hard look at the trap “what could have been” has become. Staying too long with even pleasant memories can disconnect us from “what is.”
If you feel stuck in what could have been, get help. Life in the present is too wondrous to miss out on!