I have a few women clients in the age group of 60+ years, who are widowed and living with their adult children. They are in good physical health, doing what they can to support their children … yet also sad, lonely, and resigned.
Many of them have not had great marriages but they would still prefer to be with their partner rather than their children’s families. Not that there is a lack of love but the children are busy in their lives and the mothers feel neglected. There is pain and hurt here which affects the mother’s physical, emotional and mental well-being.
I also hear from the children – “I don’t understand my mother” or “I feel guilty when I look at her but I don’t know how to serve her better either” or “Nothing I do is good enough” or “She still treats me like a child!”
When I coach the mothers, they often say their children don’t give them time. Sometimes, the mothers cannot adjust to their children’s lifestyles, from how they keep their house and spend money to how they rear their children. They get stressed because the children don’t listen. Quite often, the mothers depend on their children for all decisions even when they are financially independent and that makes them feel powerless.
While working with the mothers, I am astounded by their service and sacrifice. And yet, these very qualities become burdensome.
My work often involves connecting the mothers to their sources of joy beyond the family. I remind them of the circle of life and the rewards of retreating and relinquishing responsibility to the younger generation. And you know what? It’s a gift to witness the happiness on the mothers’ faces when they realise that they have the autonomy and freedom to make that choice. All their lives, they have lived according to what others have decided for them. Owning their choices in the present liberates them and helps them live with greater acceptance and peace.
My clients offer me lessons for the present and the future. As I hear their stories and guide them to their insights, I uncover my stories and see the truth. Every coaching session leaves me grateful, humbled, and immensely happy.