A long time back, when I was exploring the concept of Metta (loving kindness), I came across this passage by James Clear: “The ability to love yourself improves our ability to be loved. We are unlikely to accept a relationship that is worse than the one we have with ourselves. Therefore, the person who is happy and comfortable with themselves is in a great position. The person with healthy self-esteem doesn’t have to jump into any relationship because they already have a great one wherever they go.”
This awareness helped me reflect and understand why I said yes to some bad relationships in my personal and professional life. There was a fear of rejection. I believed another person’s acceptance was necessary for my sense of self-worth. There was a deep-seated insecurity of not being good enough and not being worthy of good fortune.
These fears and insecurities led to bad choices, adjusting to the unacceptable behaviour of others, self-damaging behaviour, and a lowered sense of self-esteem. Though life was good and I was doing well, I know now that I was not living to my fullest potential.
With spiritual practices, psychodrama work, self-reflection and inner work, I could break patterns, practice new behaviours that served me, and make changes in my life.
The more I went inward, the better my outer life became. And I found it easier and easier to say No to relationships that were not serving my needs.
This path is open to all of us. It’s the core value behind the group and personal coaching sessions I offer.